How To Leave Your Parents With Your Pets

Jokingly my Mum told me to write this, and since I seem to be a master at this topic I figured I would appease her and go ahead and write this. So here we go, this is a how to on moving back into your parents’ house, and then moving back out and leaving your various things and animals behind.

 

Materials

  • Stuff and/or animals to leave behind.
  • Parents/Guardians.
  • Being the youngest helps.
  • A charmingly manipulative nature.

 

Put It All Together

First, get yourself into a situation that is not ideal and your parents and/or guardians will be sympathetic toward. Something not of your own doing is best. Even if it is of your own doing, indirect is best, but even in worst case scenarios, they might love you just enough to take you and put you and your stuff back in the same room you slept it when you were younger. In my case, this was my significant other’s college being done and money running out after bad planning. This works well.

Next, move your stuff and/or pets into your old room. This may take some Tetris skills. It may also have you doing a great deal of lifting, carrying and hearing your parents give you shit for it. They don’t mean it, not really. They still love you and don’t actually mind you moving back in. Now that you’re convinced of this, you just need to convince the rest of the world.

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Living with your parents can be difficult, wonderful and almost luxurious sometimes. This is not a part I will go into too deeply, but the gist of it is to survive. It’s much like a game of Pandemic or Risk. Maybe more like Diplomacy, actually, but the point remains: survive!

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Now that you’ve been living with your parents for a while, it’s time to find a different living situation. This could come in many different forms: roommates, living on your own, winning the lottery and buying yourself a house… Okay, so that last isn’t the most likely, but it could happen! With a new living situation you might find that not all of your accumulations of things can fit, or maybe the place allows cats, but that dog that you adore isn’t allowed in case it poops on something (and your cat won’t?). It can be tough, weeding out what you want to take with you to start anew. Or who you want to bring with you. In this stage it’s more like the five stages of grief than starting a new, bright future. It sucks when you have to make sacrifices: no matter how big or small.

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You’ve decided on what and who you are taking, it’s time to announce your decision to the remaining members of the family. Your parents will most likely not be thrilled (especially if you’re leaving them with said adored puppy). However, they will begrudgingly care for the dog even better than you could have, and love it as if it was an extension of you (it is), in your stead. This may be for the better. All you have to do is convince yourself of that.

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And then you move out. You may cry, if you feel it will help, or hide the fact that you’re bawling by pretending to have an epic coughing fit that leaves you in tears. Either way, dignity is not with you. You have still moved back in with your parents and then emerged with less than you began with. It’s terrible, horrible and a no-good feeling, but perhaps your adored puppy will be quite happy there and she will fill a void that your vacancy left with your parents.

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